There is a phrase both in the book "The Shack" and in another book that I'm reading. " That we can only trust God to the degree that we are certain of His love for us." I finished reading both books, because I so much hunger to know God as a father. But the very word, "father" makes me flinch inside. It's not a term of endearment to me, but one that conjures up images of pain, anger, shame, and a longing so deep that I feel like I'll never touch bottom. My prayer for the last, idk, few weeks, month, has been for God to reveal His love to me so that I can learn to trust Him. And for Him to please, please not give up on me.  And I want him to help me to remember in the darkness what I have learned in the light. . .